Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love having hate sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
