I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
