it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
