He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
