I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
