Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You may now shotgun with the bride
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
