Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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