Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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