Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize