saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its not stalking. its research.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
