The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize