Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
