You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
