Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
