I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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