Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
