Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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