talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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