I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
