Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
