im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
