Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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