We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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