also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
