yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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