sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
