Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sext me about skeletons
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
