just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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