"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
