If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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