Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
God, I missed his penis.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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