Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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