god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
