Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
