The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
