I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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