This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
