We named our party play list daddy issues
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
