Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
