Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
