LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
