She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
