She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
