the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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