i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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