im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
