the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
