Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
