if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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