I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
