Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
