Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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