Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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