The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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