I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My life is pants optional.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
