yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
