i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
