I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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