i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize