yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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