If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize