One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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