i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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