mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
