I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Less talking, more tequila
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize