dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
