I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
