At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I should be sponsored by Trojan
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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